Beulah, peel me a grape.

Finally Friday. What a week. It's been a bloody nightmare what with my strange moods, the rain and anything else I was overly worrying about. I'm glad it's almost over. I was sick and tired of being a miserable old witch.

I stayed at Hairy Face's last night and I was in a much better mood. On the way to his I told him about the 'panic attacks' and strange moods I've been in and I just couldn't seem to get rid of them. He said he noticed I've been 'a little sullen and quiet' which means being a mardy, grumpy faced so and so. I was but chocolate and sunshine soon sorted that out.

About this house we may be moving into, that's been frustrating. I'm the kind of person who once I know what is needed, I start getting them as soon as I am able to. We went to see the letting agency last Saturday and they told us what they needed from us. I got everything ready for tomorrow. Those pair however are hopeless. I thought I won't keep asking them if they have everything. After all, they are grown men and capable of getting together a few bits of paper together... HA!

To be fair, Hairy Face went to the bank yesterday and ordered some paper statements to be sent through the post. They told him that the statements will arrive on Saturday morning. They would have been... except the post office workers are on strike today. I called the bank up and asked if it was possible to ask them to print statements off by going into a branch and asking them with some identification. They said yes so if the statements don't turn up on Saturday, Hairy Face can do that. LeBeau on the other hand, I have no idea if he has got all the paperwork. According to Hairy Face this is highly unlikely. I bloody hope he has got everything needed. We've had a full week to get everything sorted! Frustrating beggars.

I also mentioned the problem of me going to work if for some reason or another he can't take me/drop me off (if we move in this house). That didn't go well. He said it would be a rare occurrence.

We can coincide our holidays if possible and I could always stay at my mum's house. WHAT? I'm renting to get my own space! I love my mum to bits but I'll be DAMNED if I'm going to climb up a cabin bed and fall asleep with a Stone Cold Steve Austin duvet cover and My Little Pony pillow...

But anyway, I said I know that but what if? I don't even know where the bus goes in from where we're moving to. He said the bus should go into the main town and then I can get a 'big' bus to the city, which would be about an hour’s journey. Or if the bus doesn't go into the main town, I could catch it to the other main town, totally opposite direction of where I need to go and then catch a 'big' bus to the city. A two hour bus ride to work? As I said to him 'That's not ever going to happen, travelling the opposite way, add an hour to my journey and costing more money? OOOHHH NO.' I can honestly say that this bit is the only thing that I am worried about. Mind you, it's probably the kick up the backside I need to get my driving license. I'll have to save up for that, want to do an intense course rather than weekly lessons. Get it over and done with! 

Not long now until I can bolt out of the door and see Hairy Face waiting for me in the car. It's one of my favourite things that, walking outside to see Hairy Face waiting for me. I'm going to buy a take-away tonight, have a drink and hopefully fit in some sexy shenanigans.

 

Have a great weekend!

It's amazing what a bar of chocolate can do for the soul!

Picture this...

I've just funished eating a bar of Toffee Crisp and on the last swallow, the sun came out and shined brightly. Magnificent. All those bloody miserable feelings disappeared!

I really should eat more chocolate.

More Toffee Crisp.

Get re-aquainted with the Snickers and re-new my friendship with the Lion Bar.

Re-introduce myself to the Crunchie Bar.

Make new friends with the Flake Bar and the KitKat.

Oh yes, chocolate is where it's at. It might only be a short 'pick me up' but there are thousands of chocolates to be had! Show me the Bounty. Yaaarrr.

I've still got that anticipation feeling with a very impatient bordering on angry twist to it. It’s all very well to have these feelings and if I can put my finger on what is causing it I would address straight away. Because I'm feeling like this and I've got no idea as to why it's very, very annoying.

Maybe I should see if I can take half the day off work as holiday tomorrow and try some mini retail therapy (as I'm still budgeting like Scrooge McDuck).

Maybe I just need a break from the same old merry-go-round of work, home, eat, sleep.

Maybe, something, anything. You know... I think I'm just bored to tears.

What do you do if you are bored to tears as it were but you can't think of anything you want to do?

I don't want to go clubbing, I don't want to go dancing and I don't really want to visit my females friends and hear them moan and whine about work/boyfriends/husbands.

I have no idea what to do. Hairy Face is constantly working at the moment, at the office and at home. He said he has got overtime to do on Sunday morning. That's probably one of the mysterious reasons why I feel like I do.

We both used to finish work at roughly the same time, he picks me up, but he's getting out of work later and later recently. So he works flat out at work and when he gets home he starts working again. Yesterday he didn't do any work but it was still the same. We drove back, picked up LeBeau from his workplace, drove to his parent's house (we may be moving out soon though), sat in the garage for the rest of the night, him on the laptop and Angel and Firefly on the TV. Now this is the annoying bit (for him and for me I assume)...

He asks me if I'm a bit bored.

I say I am.

He says if I can think of anywhere to go besides sitting in the garage all night.

I say there isn't really anywhere to go and its dry in the garage I suppose.

He said that doesn't really reassure him.

I say I'm only saying.

So that condensed down conversation above says to me that I am bored, I want to be somewhere else, more fun maybe but the problem is that I have no idea what to do, where to go and hardly any money.

What am I suppose to do? I just keep quiet. There is no point making a statement about something if you don't have a solution or some options and that's what I'm lacking, options.

Maybe a little break from work might do the trick for me but when I do have that thought I think what the hell am I going to do on my days off? And it starts the whole thing off again! Bloomin' hopeless I tell thee.

Maybe I need to take off on my own again for the day and wonder around some place. No I don't. It's more fun when you have someone else along.

Maybe I should suggest to Hairy Face we should go somewhere for the day, anywhere really but... he probably has a lot of work to do. Grrr... how frustrating am I being?!

I'm in a very strange mood today. Not quite sure how to describe it but it’s a cross between:

Waiting for someone to shout 'CHARGE!' (think Sharpe).
Being poised and ready to leap (like a cat).
Impatiently waiting for something (I keep tapping my fingers or foot).

The thing is I have no idea why. Not a clue. It seems as though my whole body knows something is up, it's on alert and it has forgotten to tell my brain all about it, leaving it slightly bewildered and puzzled. What the bloody hell is going on here? I started to feel like this around 5pm yesterday and it has built up over night. Very strange indeed.

Apart from that, I've just started feeling uncomfortable having lots of people around me. Just had a catch up about today’s workload and I caught myself edging away from the group and standing near the back so that I've got a comfortable space between them and me. This feeling only crops up once in a while. It's horrible when it happens though, it makes me feel dirty and disgusted and I want to run to the shower and scour my skin clean. Never do though because I know it’s just a stupid feeling and I will not let these daft things get the better of me. No way. 

The crowded feeling will die down on it's own after a bit but the ready to pounce feeling looks as if its going to be with me all day.

These feelings are so strange because they don't feel like my own feelings if anyone understands what I mean. I'm trying to think of ways to describe it and it's pretty hard.

Okay for the sake of sounding absolutely bat shit insane, its like as if something has taken a piece of my mind and I can feel its thoughts or something has manifested inside my mind and is pushing some weird buttons that messes up my... hmmm... not feelings per se because they don't feel as these 'feelings' belong to me. They feel as if they belong to someone/something else.

I'm not making any sense. At all. Right, try again...

I'm sitting in the back seat of a car and I can see what's going on but I can't see the driver and I have no idea where they're going but I'm in for the ride.

DETACHED! THAT’S THE WORD!

I feel detached from these feelings. How the bloody hell can I feel detached when it's happening in my own head?! Bloody ridiculous. I can feel them, I know they're there but they're not part of me. I'm just observing. There. That's about as close as I can explain them.

I sound like a fucking fruit loop.

They've agreed we can have the house prior to checking us out! It went something like this:

"Please fill in this form... and this form aaaannndd (shuffle a mountainous pile of paper)... we need these bits of information from you... utility bills from within three months, passport or driving license, bank statements, a letter from your HR department, your salary amount, your blood group, dress size, height, weight, eye colour, last meal you ate, last bowel movement you did, consistency of bowel movement, colour of bowel movement, texture and smell of bowel movement, did you urinate after if so what hue of yellow was it, did that smell if so was it strong or weak, shoe size, most watched channel, favourite book, best magazine, do you sleep naked..."

I may have exaggerated slightly but you get my point.

Hand cramped up from all that writing (yes writing! No eForms here!) and sifting through all my old bills and what not, I was told I was missing information from 2005 and 2006. I had to go back home and find these bits of evidence. Luckily for me, I found some more old bills. I'll need to go back to the agency on Saturday or if Hairy Face and The Mighty LeBeau have found what they need, we can post them first class instead of going back up there again.

On another note, I'm thinking of getting Hairy Face a banjo. He expressed a sudden delight when listening to Radio One's Wonder Years and it played that song by the Grid with a banjo in it. He declared his love for the banjo and how he would love to learn to play it so that he can sit outside the house on warm summer nights and annoy the buggery out of our neighbours. I asked someone from a forum I frequent as I know that this person plays a few instruments, including the banjo, as to what type of banjo should a beginner get and he gave me very good advice. I can't believe how many bloody types of banjos are out there.  Anyway it got me thinking...

You're never too old to learn something new right? I can 'play' (all chords bar one or two songs) on a guitar, acoustic/electric, and 'play' (half of this song, half of that musical piece) on a piano/keyboard. I suddenly find myself wanting to learn how to play the violin. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star at first obviously, as that seems to be the most popular first song of choice on a violin.

What I would like to know is, what type of violin would be good for a beginner like me? eBay has a lot of violins for sale, some very expensive some moderately cheap but which one/type should I be looking at?

I'm a lot calmer now; I've finally been invited to the 'Communist Party' so my dangerous flailing roaring mood swings have stopped, much the relief of people around me. The poor buggers.

The three of us went round to see the house yesterday at 8pm. It's very nice and my other half... I should stop using the term 'other half’; it sounds so formal and distant. I'll just call him Hairy Face or HF for short. Where was I... ah yes, Hairy Face will be calling the agency today and see if we can get the house. All three of us approved.

I think Hairy Face thinks that I'm not keen on doing this but I am. I'm just worried about money. Will we be able to do it, how about the bills, how are we going to pay the bills. All that rubbish. I've told him this but he seems to think it’s an excuse... or I might be wrong and reading something into nothing. He thinks I'm mental and slightly eccentric anyway.

It’s the same with holidays, I don't fret as such but I'm constantly checking that we've got everything we need and worry a little about if we've got enough money. As soon as I'm sat on the plane and my seat belt clicks in my lap... I'm finally in holiday mode.

It just gives the impression that I'm not very excited about it at all, which I am, I'm just making sure constantly that everything is ready and nothing has missed. And when people ask me why I'm not jumping up and joy for joy, I say that I want to make sure everything is ready. Once I'm satisfied, I can relax.

I've heard nothing from Hairy Face as yet about the house but then again he is always busy with work these days. Always busy at work and then when he's at home he works again for almost three hours solid usually and then he's knackered for the rest of the evening. I know he works hard and runs about like a headless chicken at work. I've already threatened to go to his work place and kick off because of the amount of work he has to do but that wouldn't solve anything, it would only end in me being very satisfied at screaming non-stop at the directors and him being sacked, which isn't what we want to happen. I hope this period of non stop working ends soon.

Now I have to go to meeting, where I will be bored to tears and most likely end up nodding off with one my team kicking me in the foot to keep me awake. Roll on the weekend!

I might be moving out soon. Rented property obviously because how the bloody hell can I afford to buy a house? The other half’s dad told him about it yesterday as it is a woman in his dad’s office that wants to rent it out. All we know is that it's a two bedroom house with garden and fully furnished at £495 a month I think. 

And please, please, PLEASE don't tell me 'you can have that as a mortgage payment each month instead of renting, wasted money that is...’  

Do you honestly think I don't realise that? If I had the money, if I was able to get a mortgage for a place that I want I wouldn't be renting at all. And no, my parent can't act as a Guarantor. It's so frustrating it really is. I have to start accepting the fact that I will never, ever be able to own my own property, my own home. I just have to pay someone to borrow theirs for the rest of my damn life. 

Back to this potential rented house then. Thinking about it, it is best we rented first to see how we would get on in a place of our own first before committing to something as big as buying a house together. If we do decide to get this rented house, another friend has already said that he would move in with us as well, which would mean three incomes going in and making it cheaper for all of us. We all live at our parent’s house at the moment, but then two have their own room, their own bed and all pay less rent than me. I hope they don't expect me to act as 'mum' because if they do, they're in for a bloody shock I can tell you. 

Then there are the bills to consider. Water, electric, gas (maybe), council tax, phone line, internet, TV license, rent, food, house insurance... I'll have to figure out how we're going to pool our resources together and find out a way to split everything three ways. Oh boy. 

I've just seen pictures of the house. Definitely want to have a closer look at it. It looks really nice. The only thing I've seen that worries me is that it states the letting type as 'Short Term'. I need to find out how short the 'Short Term' is. Other than that... I... I like it. I've asked the other half when we can go and see it. 

Well, here's hoping!    

Excellent, we've some how aquired a fan but (wait for it)... its blowing on the other side of my bank of desks so not on me.

But thats fine you see, I've had to put up with their moanings and whinings so as I sit here sweating like a peadophile in a nursery pig in a tin shed, the fan will catch my wonderful aromatic armpit odour (as I stretch dramatically every two minutes) and they'll get a whiff of it periodically. And I can blame the bloke next to me because women don't sweat apparently. HAHAHA!

WARNING - OFFENSIVE RANT

For fuck sake. I'm fucking pissed off. I'm hot, I'm poor and I'm fucking B O R E D. Not to mention I'm due on and I have a full rage on. RAGE I'm telling you. I'm sat at work inside a building that is made out of cunting tin and shaped like a fucking airplane hanger. Its hot and stuffy, the air-con is about as good a fucking chocolate fireguard. I've done all of my work, just piddly-pissy bits to fuck about with. I haven't spent any time with my other half since last Thursday due to him working for a bunch of cunts. Then he fucking tells me he has booked some time off in July and his mate from uni is coming down to spend it with him. This would usually put me out a little bit but I get over it. After all, he only sees Ham Man once a month but no.. because its fucking hot and I'm due to gush blood out of my baby hole I got into a rage and he knew about it via email.

Just been out for a cigarette (and July the 1st can get fucked an' all. We got smoking shelters at work so thats fine) and had a big spaz rant at my ex manager, who just laughed at me and told me she was exactly the same. Came in and found some sugary sweets. I've had most of them and starting to feel slighty more calmer. You men have it bloody easy, all you have to worry about is Erectile Dysfunction, you bastards.

I decided to explain what I did this weekend by putting it in a comic strip form. I do like doing the naff comic strips, especially on work time. 

Without further ado, I present to you... Going for a Walk.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v207/Hazydaisy/GoingforaWalk.jpg

(Ahh... Photobucket seems to have reduced the maximum size of photos down to 800x600. The actual strip is roughly 1000x800.)