Right... has anyone told OUR Guinea Pigs?! The little rascals have only just gone and done that haven't they. The little gits. About half ten last night I, Hairy Face and The Mighty LeBeau just finished watching the first series of Heroes (fantastic!). LeBeau and Hairy Face went out to the back garden to bring the Guinea Pigs into the kennel as they do every night. LeBeau gets the night time box out of the kennel and wonders over to the hutch in the garden.

'Uh, Hairy Face?'
'Yes.'
'Two of our Guinea Pigs are missing.'
'What?'
'Scumose is the only one in here.'

Scumose is the mother of both Plummer who had the daring escape and Rigsby, the little son.

Lebeau lifted Scumose into the night time box and Hairy Face lifted the hutch to investigate (after making sure that no Guinea Pigs were in there and Lebeau wasn't being a bit rubbish).

'That's prepostorous.' Hairy Face exclaimed.
'What is?'
'Guinea Pigs do not dig and tunnel out.'

I came out into the garden at this time because the pair of them were out there a lot longer than usual.

'Anything the matter?' I asked as I flipped-flopped into the garden.
'Guinea Pigs don't dig and tunnel out do they?'
'No Hairy Face, they don't normally do that...' a warning light glowed in my head.
'...Which one is it this time?'
'Plumber and Rigsby.'
‘Both of them? Marvellous, how did they escape?'
Hairy Face looked slightly bemused.
'They tunnelled out.'
I stared at him in disbelief.
'Guinea Pigs don't dig.'
'Looks like these ones do,' piped up LeBeau, 'either that or Scumose is a really bad parent.'
Hairy Face started walking up towards the top end of the garden.
'Right, let's try to flush these buggers out. Lebeau, you stand there and make sure they don't come flying out. If they do, grab them. Saffronica, you stand in the middle and wiggle the big stick in the undergrowth and see if you can spot either of them.'
The garden is a little wild, bits of it has overgrown here and there which makes it a perfect place for Guinea Pigs to hide and never be found, all you get to see is a flash of a Guinea Pigs bottom as it hurls itself back into the undergrowth.

An hour later of rummaging through the garden jungle, Hairy Face had a rash all up his arm because of the Poison Ivy he found accidentally, scratches and cuts on his legs as he trundled through the rose bushes and LeBeau was covered from head to toe in seed barbs (those seeds that are round and stick to you like velcro, what are they?). No Guinea Pigs. So it looks like ladies and gentlemen, we're going to be on a stake out for a next few days.

Guinea Pigs don't dig or tunnel my arse. CAN SOMEBODY RELAY THIS MESSAGE ONTO OUR STUPID GUINEA PIGS PLEASE?

Any Guinea Pig whisperers out there?