Christ on a tandem with the Holy Ghost, how do they expect us to use public transport when the cost of a train ticket is more if we bought petrol and went in the car? I got two weeks booked off in the summer (end of August/start of September) and we fancy going to London to visit London Zoo because I've never been before.

Thought it would be a nice idea to go to London on the train and stay over the night. My God... How much for one night in London? Is the room wallpaper made from gold leaf? Is the shower head made of platinum? Do I get woken up by nubile luscious young men wearing nothing but silk loincloths gently fanning me with palm leaves and softly tickling my face with an Ostrich feather? I would expect, nay, DEMAND that kind of service from some of the London hotels that are charging ridiculous prices to stay at their establishment for ONE night.

I thought if I look to book train tickets now, you know, in ADVANCE, it would be cheaper. Oh how wrong I was. Is it because these greedy bastards know it's school Summer Holiday and therefore EVERYTHING MUST GO UP ASTRONOMICALLY IN PRICE? I say again, bastards. Utter, utter money grabbing bastards.

A few comparisons and the average cost for two people to go on a train and returning the next day using stated times and one night in a London hotel roughly £300. And that doesn't include food, drink, and Zoo tickets. That might not seem a lot to some people but that to me is a big chunk out of the money bag. I can do it but I will need to juggle money from credit card/savings account (which only has £100 in it!) and my overdraft. I'm getting good at this juggling lark. I could sell one of my kidneys then I would be able to afford the train fare.

I wonder if Hairy Face would be slightly put out if I left him for a very old and filthy rich Oil Baron. I would have to do the usual, make sure I get all his oil money which will be stated in his will and then sex the dear old bugger to death...